On my continuous healing journey, I’ve realized that I have a challenge with setting healthy boundaries.
I realized that what I thought was me wholeheartedly helping out the people I love and hold so dear … is actually referred to as “foolish compassion” (thank you, Danielle LaPorte).
“When we’re painfully aware of our own imperfections, we might think ‘How dare I expect someone else not to have imperfections?’ We end up prolonging our involved suffering because we think that whoever we’re trying to heal, or train to treat us better, is also coming from a wounded place – and that it’s our spiritual j-o-b to be in ‘the process’ together.”
Wow. That hit home.
The younger version of me would ask, “But isn’t that what we’re supposed to do for our soulmates and karmic connections?”
The “less tolerant of BS” version of me would like to respond with a quote by the mid-20th-century mystic Gurdjieff, “we are all idiots of one kind or another.”
Don’t be that kind of an idiot.
If someone doesn’t treat you right, he/she is an asshole. Period. You’re not going to love someone into treating you right. Believe me, I tried. It didn’t work.
As I was discovering my spirituality and connectedness, I used to think that my pure love plus a soul connection could conquer anything.
I was naive.
On a quick side note … I used to believe that we only have ONE soulmate. Also naive.
In fact, soul and karmic connections are all around us.
They come into our lives for various reasons, but most of the time it’s to teach us the lessons we’re meant to learn. Most life lessons aren’t warm and fuzzy. Meaning, it’s common for your soul connection to hurt you.
… And perhaps when you’re done with the lesson, it’s time to move on. Don’t get stuck and cause yourself suffering just because this person may be a soulmate.
Speaking from experience … another one will come along when it’s time for the next lesson.
In reading Danielle’s book, White Hot Truth, it continues to blow my mind. I feel like she wrote it for me … chapter 8 in particular:
OPEN, GENTLE HEART. BIG FUCKING FENCE. Boundaries for spiritual people (ME!!)
Taking just a few of the pieces I highlighted and sharing in case they speak to you too.
“We’re wired to strive for Love. Feminine creatures are particularly inclined to give of themselves as life support. We bleed quite willingly because that’s what you do when people you care about so deeply are emotionally anemic or have been injured by life – you give them your blood and your Love.
Here, take some of mine. I can always make more.
I was on a plane when I read this and literally burst into tears. This has been me all my life. I have been giving and giving and giving my love and my bleeding heart nonstop. No wonder I was so depleted.
But not only do we hurt ourselves by tolerating demeaning treatment or aggression, we also feed the other person’s monster. Being compassionate of yourself by not accepting poor behavior offers the other person involved the opportunity to look at themselves.
Fool for Love … foolish compassion … the remedy for both is the same: the courage to hold true to your ideals in real Love, and then to give your full loyalty, your wisest compassion, and your most gracious tolerance – to everyone who meets you where you are.
Who meets you where you are … yes, I get it. If you can meet me WHERE I AM, then there might be a chance.
I’m a Lover. Can’t stop, won’t stop. And that being the case, my heart deserves safe-guarding.
Protect your heart so that you can keep it wide open.”
Setting healthy boundaries is new to me … and it may take some practice, but … progress.
I am a lover and my heart beats so it can keep on loving. Say it with me … OPEN, GENTLE HEART. BIG FUCKING FENCE.
#daniellelaporte #whitehottruth #boundriesforspriritualpeople