What I know about heartache

I’m a big believer in the fact that our soul chooses the life lessons it wants to learn in each lifetime. So while I have no idea why, as a part of my soul’s journey, I chose to be with guys that put my heart through the shredder. But here I am … a survivor of epic heartache … alive and fully living, and finally, able to share some more of my truth with you.

Heartache, like everything else in life, is just a season. In my case, it was a really long fucking season that seemed to last an eternity.

It can be caused by a number of reasons; grief, death of a loved one, end of a relationship, betrayal, childhood trauma … the list goes on.

As part of my personal journey, I was in denial that my marriage was long over before I actually chose to end it. Maybe, something like 6 years? I was in denial about the fact that my ex-husband stopped choosing me as his priority long time ago. Living in denial caused me a lot of heartache, sadness and disconnectedness. All great life lessons … but still, ouch. To clarify, this wasn’t an infidelity situation, but he stopped prioritizing me as his friend, wife, partner, lover, the person that was by his side, etc.

And before I even had a moment to address that heartache … I managed to get myself involved with another guy, who also didn’t choose me as his priority. And to clarify, this WAS an infidelity situation. More ouch. More burn. More heartache on top of heartache.

It’s safe to say, that for the last 8 years, or so, I’ve been living with a very serious condition: severe heartache.

So while I may not be an expert on the topic … let’s be honest …  if I were in school for this, I’d have my Ph.D. by now.

As Alicia Keys sings in her song that I played on repeat … “Have you ever try sleeping with a broken heart? Well you could try sleeping in my bed.”

Agh. It’s the worst. You can’t shut your mind off and you just lay there in the dark playing scenarios over and over. Your mind doesn’t know what’s real and not, so all you end up doing is causing yourself more trauma. We’ve all been there …

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What I know:

… There is no magic pill to stop your heart from bleeding after it’s been wounded with an invisible  metaphorical knife

… There are no sick days off work for heartache

… There is not a heartache short-term leave of absence program

… And there sure as shit is no break when you’re an entrepreneur

You got heartache? Great. Get up and keep hustling.

When you have a company to build and run, a child to take care of and an entire community to lead … you just don’t get a “heartache time out.”

It’s been rough, to say the least, and I’ve had to deal with this “condition” in silence.

But as I’m going through my healing journey, in which I’ve made tremendous progress, I’m gaining my voice back and I have an urge to stand on the highest mountain and yell at the top of my lungs … whatever it is that my soul wants to cry out.

I’m listening.

I’m hearing.

I’m sharing.

I’m done living in silence.

I’m healing.

Heartache is a silent problem that many of us deal with, but don’t know how to voice, who to voice it to and how to move past it …

When we have a cold, we have a time-frame to know when we’ll be better.

If we break a bone, we wear a cast and have a time-frame.

But what is the healing time-frame for a broken heart?

And when it’s not so obvious as a cold or a broken bone … how do you tell people you’re not well because of a broken heart? Is that even socially acceptable?

… And let me tell you, going through heartache is lonely AF.

Even if you have someone to talk to … it truly feels like no one understands you. No one can comprehend what it is that you’re going through because your situation is somehow unique (or at least that’s how it feels).

You may be able to articulate words to your friends, but how many of them can look you in the eyes, hold space for you, emphasize, cradle you … and “get” you in the way you need to be “gotten.”

If you’re lucky … you’ll have at least one. But so many of us are disconnected, so many of us find ourselves all alone in our darkest moments, so many of our friends are just in different phases of life and can’t relate … it just gets lonely.

To some degree, that was me.

I’m one of the lucky ones who has a core group of girlfriends that I can call on day or night. And while they were all there for me in their own unique ways, that didn’t subside the pain, emptiness, and discomfort that I felt as I was living with my heartache.

… And if it happened to me, something similar has probably happened to you.

I believe that many of life’s lessons come in form of pain. We somehow have to manage out of the situation and grow. We have to find the light. But so much easier said than done, and while you’re going through it, it just fucking sucks. There really is no way to sugar coat it.

From a young age, I was taught to face my challenges head on. My mind is wired to do this … and if I truly wanted to put an end to my 8-year hell, I knew I needed to apply the same principles and gusto to healing my heart … as I have dedicated to building out NetworkingPhoenix (the most difficult thing I’ve ever done).

The way all of you have watched me build something from nothing over the past decade … I needed to see myself love myself, be my own best friend, cradle myself and get myself through this pain … with love.

“The only way to get through it is to go through it” – said someone wise

I didn’t want to mask any of my pain. I didn’t want to distract myself just to prolong the process. I wanted to face my heartache head-on and push through it once and for all.

I knew that I had to heal my body, mind and soul. It sounds so cliche … but I truly felt broken in every single possible way and I made a commitment to myself and my heart. No one was going to go near it until the bleeding stopped … until it was full of love … full of peace … and ready to face the world again.

In this game of life, we get to choose our own path. I’m about to share some of the choices I made that made a difference on my journey. If you’re still reading … something is resonating 🙂

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1. Got my body balanced.

You’ve probably heard me talk about Dr. John Robinson at The Hormone Zone … and truly … working with him was life altering. By the time we met, I have no idea how long my body was out of balance, but it was getting to an unbearable point.

I don’t believe in coincidences, and I believe Dr. Robinson showed up in my life right when I needed him.

I’ll go into a full blog post about the work we did and all the imbalances we discovered, but the main thing I’ll talk about in this post is how chronic stress threw me out of balance.

I truly believe that due to the heavy heartache, lack of support, a failing marriage, a very young child, extreme non-stop stress and heavy sadness … my body basically told me to fuck off …

My mental state was hurting my physical state.

I’m one of those people that can push through anything, as time and time again I’ve proven this. But seriously, that is not something I’ve come to admire about myself …

…. In my current mindset, I value rest above all else. Period. End of story.

Rested is the new black.

2. I really got into healing through energy work …

Ok, how do I explain this one? It’s an “alternative medicine” type of a treatment that involves the “healer” doing energy work with your body in order to release pain, rebalance you, help you get through things and lift you up. Heal you.

Some of the more common ones that you might have heard about include Reiki and Reflexology. However, there are so many ways to tap into our body’s energy and every healer has a different modality.

My “gateway drug” into this scene, was my healer friend, Katie S. Kyleen. She’s the owner of Arizona Spiritual Events and is very gifted at her craft.

After 3 separate sessions with Katie … we were able to move shit that I had no idea I was still carrying and I literally felt myself shift to the next phase/level. It’s honestly, hard to articulate the feeling, but after having such a profound experience, I wanted more.

But please a word of caution … this isn’t light hearted Reiki work (which I’ve done a number of times before). Katie will get into your emotions and pull out all the crap you don’t need. There will be tears — if you do it right 🙂

Around this time, another healer popped up on my radar and at the first chance that I had to go visit her in Sedona … I booked a session.

Side story, this trip happened last minute … and I contacted her late at night to see if she had any openings … she was supposed to be fully booked, but somehow had one opening for me on a Sunday.

… Synchronicity happens when we just let things flow …

When I met Anahata Ananda, Shamanic Healer & Soul Guide, I instantly knew I was exactly where I needed to be.

This wise woman and I connected exactly in the ways we needed to connect in and after talking for, what seemed like almost 2 hours, we did a beautiful energy healing session together.

Her modality and style was different than Katie’s, but the concept of healing with energy is similar. Release and heal.

It was so good, that I went back 2 weeks later. There was a particular issue I needed to move quickly and we were able to work through it.

I can 100 percent, without a doubt, tell you that my work with these two ladies has left a perma-positive effect on me and I plan on doing more energy work in the future.

3. Travel and adventures

Traveling has always been healing to me, I’ve been all over the world. But during my “heartache” years … I stopped going places. Was I even living? 😦

I decided that summer of 2017 was going to be different. I was going to give myself summer vacation, summer joy, summer adventure … and the gift of travel. I even gave myself a hashtag: #summerofgelie2017 🙂

From my Sedona trips, where I made some new amazing friends …

to Venice Beach …

… to meeting Danielle Laporte (author, speaker, spiritual seeker and #truthbomb creator)

… to Los Angeles and Santa Monica beach to hang out with my dad …

…. to a staycation, to booking the first San Diego beach vacation with my daughter and our friends …

…. to a friend visiting me from out of town …

this summer has been nothing short of one big adventure … and it’s not even over!

Traveling, and spending quality time with my friends and family, has been

… So. Freaking. Healing.

One of the best things I can recommend to you is to travel alone. If you’re like me, adventure will find you 😉

4. Space

I gave myself space to just be.

When I needed to take naps, I took naps.

When I wanted to take last minute trips to Sedona, I made it happen.

I laid on my floor for hours listening to music meditating and letting my mind wander.

I gave myself space to daydream – again.

When I was younger, I used to listen to music for hours and hours at a time. But I haven’t given myself any time or space to do that and getting back into this routine felt like spending time with an old friend.

And just like magic, as soon as I started to release some of the crap, so many new amazing people showed up in my life.

Funny how that works 😉

Not only did I start to develop new meaningful relationships, but I also was able to reconnect with old friends …

I finally started to get back capacity to allow people to get near me.

….

I’m able to write this post and talk about my heart so openly because I have poured a lot of love into myself and allowed my voice to come back.

Today, I truly feel amazing. And if you’re still reading this long post, it’s because something here is resonating. So let me assure you that you’re not alone and you’ve got this!

Joy and happiness are waiting for you 🙂

Heartache completely and utterly sucks. There is just no other way to put it.

… But there truly is a light at the end of the tunnel. It just takes work and commitment to yourself.

Shower yourself with love. Treat yourself the way you would a wounded puppy or a loved one that needs you.

Hug yourself. Cradle yourself. Say nice things to yourself. Encourage yourself to get up off the floor and take it one day at a time …

Find your tribe.

The friends that have always been there for you in the past, might not be the right people to guide you through a particularly painful situation. Find those that can.

Be a seeker of love, because love does heal everything … lf you can accept it, give it and give into it. (Easier said than done, I know. Trust me.)

I made a promise to myself that I will heal myself and keep flying so that I can continue to do the work I’m meant to do here.

And while this recent heartache in my adult life was triggered by the men I loved, I don’t hate them for it. Nor can I attribute all of it to them (I mean, really I don’t want to give them any more credit than they deserve, lol).

… The heartache ended up going deeper than just the loss of my most intimate relationships, but all the same.

And I can’t say I’m not angry because I still am. But I’m also OK with giving myself the space to be angry. It helps me set boundaries.

My experiences taught me important life lessons and I was able to grow.

I promised myself that I would not allow another man to stand by my side that didn’t deserve to be there. I have been taken for granted. I was not appreciated. I’ve been betrayed.

Thank you to them for the experience; but no more.

Thank you to me for respecting myself enough to somehow find a way out of that mess.

And thank you for listening to a piece of my story and being a part of the unfolding healing journey.

So much more to come!